I have always been a bit nontraditional in a sense. Tending to follow the rhythm and path from an internal perspective rather than anything from the outside. Most of my deep desires have led me to paths whose harvest beckons rest and gives the fruit of freedom.
The past year has been an ever-evolving relationship with the idea of rest. Going against the status quo and not just to be different but yet to find what serves me, to find what it is that gives life.
Since the sudden death of my brother a few years ago, I live each day with this constant underlying awareness that we take time for granted. It is easy to live as though each day is promised, it is easy to bank on tomorrow holding the same gifts as today. If my brother's life left me with anything, it is the gift and understanding of impermanence. A notion that I mention here and there.
It is what drives so many of my off the whim decisions. It is what causes me to follow my creativity, follow each one of my crazy ideas, and in part it has led me to school my children at home.
What I want is for time to slow down. I want to be present with my children. I want every moment I can get with them because I know… I know one day I will look back and wish I had. I want to teach them about the beauty of their Creator. I want to teach them how to listen to the poetry of nature, the lessons it holds, the freedom it gives, the healing that comes. I want to be the one that tells them who they are, who they were created to be, and that they could never be replaced. I want to lovingly, day in and day out, lead them to kindness, lead them to softness, lead them to a life of beauty. One of purpose. Just like our Creator has for me time and time again.
I want my voice to be an echo in their mind as they grow, one that remains louder than the world around them.
I want to keep their innocence from being injured for as long as I can, not by seclusion but full exposure. Exposure to the natural world around us. One in which they were meant to be free in, wild and free.